Love is sucks!

[ ... يقول نيل غيمان
هل أحببت يوما
شنيع هو الحب، أليس كذالك؟
يجعلك في منتهى الضعف .
يفتح صدرك وقلبك ليأتي شخص ما فيثير الفوضى بداخلك.
تبني الحصون وتشيد القلاع كي تحمي نفسك من الأذى، وفجأة!
يأتي شخص واحد ، شخص غبي ،
لايختلف عن أي غبي غيره !
ليتجول في دنياك الغبية،
كأن يطبع على شفتيك قبله أو يبتسم لك، تتسرب حياتك من
بين يديك فلا تغدو ملكك.
الحب يأخذك رهينة.
إنه يتغلغل فيك ويأكلك من الداخل للخارج ،
ثم يتركك تبكي في الظلام وهو يسلك طريقه إلى قلبك .
كم هو مؤلم ! ليس ألما خياليا ولا عقليا.
إنه ألم الروح وألم الجسد . إنه الألم الذي ينغرس
بداخلك ويقطعك إربا . أكره الحب ... ] ‏

And I say
When you fall in love...

*(he/she) will become what you think about all night long
you will be dwelled by stupid thoughts don't make any sense and you'll wish that sleeping would take you away but after a long straggle your dreams will fail you and (he/she) will be what all your dreams about.

* When you see (him/her) you'll do the best to act like [Eh ... I don't care] but deep inside of you you're fallen apart.

* And the stupid fact about love is that you want the whole world to know that (he/she)'s the one in your life ... Uh I can't believe that I was about to tell everyone around me that I am in love with you last night !

* When love attack's you will link every stupid single thing to (him/her) so if you think that love songs helps... Then you're wrong.

* You will hold your breath so much... Every time you {see/think/dream ,, etc} of (him/her) so you will have to learn how to breath with the right way because every time you hold a breath it's just like being next to (him/her) .

* It will kills you that (he/she) living (his/her) own life so safe and sound and maybe (he/she) has someone else who to love and you're like facing your end everyday when you just think of (him/her) and he/she don't even know .


Believe me love is sucks I wish I can't get you outta ma mind but I can't
But It doesn't mean that I am going to give up...no not me not I.

Too much

No worries… is what I use to say for everyone when I want them to feel better
They say I have a gift to make people feels better when they have a problems or having a bad mood. And I was wondering why it wont work with me!
Maybe because I know that all the promises and the optimistic words are just lies!
Nothing's really alright and nothing's turns to be okay...
The last couple weeks were too much >_<>



My friend ask me to enter his car to the condo and I've commit this crime




Yeah it's just too much! I need you guys to pray for me to get throw this ,, make me feel I worth it .. I need to believe that "No worries" lie is a truth

I hate list...

I've never want to write the things that I hate... But everyday there's that need to remind yourself that there's something pushes your buttons and burns you inside or outside ,, and what a lovely feeling to have things that you hate .. And yeah it's all yours...=)

So let's stat with...

- waiting : uhhh >__< color="#ff0000">Wasting my time arguing with someone who's not ready to change his\her mind:
Some people have this serious problem... They like there thoughts and believes... fine may be you're right but maybe your wrong ,, you don't give a damn of my opinion then why you waste my precious time in the name of discussion?

- People who have tow faces: Hmmm... These people are very dangerous they have a face of an angel while you with them but wait till you give them your back and the devil will come out and they want hesitate to step you on the back ..

- when people disrespect my perspective : if you humiliate my perspective then ( bingo ) you humiliated me and it's included everything that I like : celebrities that I love my books , my points of view..ect ,, in the other hand I hold my tongue to so many things I think they're silly because I can't see the light that the other person can see with his\her own perspective .

- People who don't say "thank you": ... How many times I do favors to lots of people
And all need to hear is (thanks) because it makes me feel like I've done something even if it was small and easy to do.

- people who up the waiting line: when you stand in the line waiting to get to ATM for example), and there's a stupid person who should be the last one and cross the
Line and finish what he come to do while everybody were waiting...X@

- I hate when people insist and begs me to do something for them: if I said no then its no, deal with it and if I agreed and said okay I'll do it then... Daaaaa
It's just to make you shut up!

- I hate who use or eat something don't belong to them without permission: stay away from my food it's mine I paid for it for god's sake!

- I hate people who put there noises in everything: that kinda people who tries to make themselves important to get a stupid attention

I am not done yet... but just writing about these things makes me mad

See ya when I see ya

رماد عينيك الزنجيتين||

OMG

I wrote this story

when i was at

high school

.

.

.

Uh

enjoy it

^^

يحزنني صمت الوداع عندما تغادر أخر خيوط أشعة الأمل ثغري ممتطية عبارات الوداع
وأنا أودع عينيك الزنجيتين وجنونهما اللامبرر له نحن وفوج المودعين محيطين بطاولة مستديرة كطاولات فرسان العصور الوسطى وذلك الصمت اللذيذ الذي يعصر الذكريات الجميلة لأجراس لعبة أهديتني إياها في ربيعي السابع عشر وعينيك الزنجيتين تطلقان ذلك الشعاع البراق وألان على طاولات الانتظار وبلهفة تذاكر السفر في حقيبتك التي تكاد تقفز من مكانها لتتأكد من نقل جثمانك إلى مكان بعيد عني حيث تطلق أشعة عينيك الزنجيتين لمكان بعيد آخر
ترى هل سيعرف من يرى ذلك البريق أن فتاة في ربيعها السابع عشرة نحتت
بقايا أحلامها الغبية على شكل صدفة باحت لها بذكريات لم تكن ولم يكن لها وجود فقط, لكي تجعل من حياتها شيئاً مثيرا للاهتمام اقله بالنسبة لها !
وهاهي الصدفة تتملص من بين أناملها لاثمة أصابع قد نحتتها وهل ستتفشى أسرارها حين تسقط الصدفة وهل ستتلظى أصوات الملائكة المتهامسة على شبابيك انتظارها وتنفضح شظايا أحلامها
كيف وأثمن ما لديها ذاكرتها المزيفة ؟
ارفع بصري إلى الساعة فإذا بعقربي الساعة إلهين وثنيين ظالمان بكبريائهما لمجرد أنهما يملكان الحق بتعذيب راهبه بمحراب الانتظار
انظر لإلهي الوقت القابعين في الزاوية البعيد من ركن المطار نظرة أترجاهما فيها أن لا يستعجلا والتمس منهما بعض التأخير للتفتيش في ملفات الذاكرة ونبش لحظات كلها من ابتكاري لرجل مدجج بالأجراس يفضحه بريق عينية الزنجيتين
انقل نظري من عقربي الساعة بتحد إليه إلى عينيه ولمرة أخيرة يبادلني النظرة ويتسلل الخذلان إلى أطراف أناملي واتصبب عرقا
كم من الوقت سيتطلبني لأصنع ذاكرة جديدة و اوئثثها بأحلام مستحيلة تلتف الملائكة على ميمنتي وتطلق همسات وعبارات لامفهومة تخدر جسدي وتنتشلني غيمة كبريتية على ميسرتي أرى الشياطين ترسم في الهواء طلاسم من الحناء فتلتصق بجسدي
اصرخ!!
واسقط!!
واستيقظ واسأل هل أنا في الفردوس أم الجحيم ؟
لا مجيب
ابتسم
اذرف دمعة
وتتراقص الأجراس في أذني وتلوح لي عينيك وقد أنخطف بريقهما وذبلتا واستحال بريقهما لوميض رماد ينتفض بردا في أحضان المدفأة
أدير لك ظهري وابحث في الجموع المودعة لك عن بريق يخطفني من براثني ببريق لن يذوب ولن يغادر.

When god loves you...

Isn't weird this world we live in? When something unpleasant happen to us it became so shameful for us to entertain we reject it we hate but if we look deep enough behind what's happen to us there are lots of surprises and happiness and behind every joy and cheer up there're tons of problems , ordeals and tears ..

A year ago when my skin start to be ruff and that unbelievable scratch that I felt... when the first symptoms showed up I didn't care I've just ignored it and said to myself "whatever"..
Day after day I couldn’t resist scratching myself till the area I scratch became dark and thick and It hurt with a painful way I couldn't ignore it .. What happened to me?
I went to a stupid clinic the doctor said that it's a usual allergic and all it need is an injection's pinch in the butt, tabloids and an ointment and then my condition became worse!

I notice that everyone starts to treat me differently after that unknown disease that I got my friends my family even my roomettes …

Nothing do compeers to that feeling of rejection from your society even the blood drops I've bleed every time I scratch my skin …

Alone when my live start to change deep inside I knew that only god knows what I am going through... However I try to show that strength and tough are you to let them know that I am totally fine but inside of me there's that super sensitive person who smells the pettiness... oh god what's wrong with me?

In the other hand having that mysterious sickness have some advantages... Yes it opened my eyes to so many things that were covering my eyes by grace...

I knew how much my family loves me... my lovely mother keep bringing those traditional medicines even if there sore taste I felt that she was worried about me even more than me... my dad and my brothers & sisters didn’t give me that special treating there were just like usual we fight , play and have fun ..
I knew who are my real friends and who are my enemies who hide behind the friendship's mask...
I didn't like to go out so when I stayed home I focused on my study and I've read a lot of books and learned so many new things.

One day my father took me to a privet clinic for complications problems and when the doctor saw me she said "don't worry" then she smile...

She said that I have eczema and that my skin is too dry and sensitive and she will give me an oil , tabloids and a ointment and within one week I restore my normal soft healthy skin and when I keep using those medicines my complexion becomes so soft and fresh everything get back perfect just like it use to be before but this time I've learned my lesson and I washed all my unfaithful friends who didn’t see that I am the same ill person before and I keep doing the things I use to do when I was sick .

I think this is what happened when god loves us... he test us if we will fall a part just because we fall from grace or a stupid block faced us we should be strong and I don't know about you but take an advice from me don’t trust the happiness because it's all just a presents cover papers and when you open it there's nothing but the pain..

Miss New Year... please be good to me

Recently I saw an episode of one of ma favorite cartoon shows ever... little maroco
She was making a list of things that she's willing to do in the New Year and I said to myself "why the hell?!"
After that I initiated to write a letter for miss 2009 and brought you a draft.

Dear miss new year I was so glad when I knew that you are coming and I wrote a couple things that I want to do during you :

1- I am willing to get closer to god.
2- I want to get my driving license and a car, too.
3- I want to improve my weak fallen apart English.
4- I want to believe that '' talking without thinking is shouting without aiming''.
5- I want to stop cursing people and to reduce saying '' bit** " to who ever upsets me and " sh** "when I get mad.
6- I should take more care abut myself, clothes etc... And try as I can not to get dirty by colors while I draw.
7- I must learn French.
8- I want a girlfriend, P.S: I am available ladies: P.
9- I want to increase my weight to built muscles unlike last time when all the weight went to my hips.
10- I want to concentrate more in my study... no more playing >_<. 11- No more hiding I am going to be active and I want to be more connected with my society... Make more friends… am I?
12- I hope to be able to see all the great series and movies and to use a great internet connection.
13- I want to save money otherwise I will be in a new level of the word '' poor ''.

So please 2009 be good to me.

Confession

The evil side of me, yea I am so meanWhen I was 13 years old me and my best friend eva3bdal3ziz were always together... but in the 7th grade we wereIn different classes and there wasThat boy Khalid who became 3bdal3ziz's best friends!And my ass have been kickedThen it was time to restore ma placeI've published a gossip that Khalid is
a gay and he likes boysBut thank god it didn't went so far and
instant of that I start to hang out with khalid and
3bdal3ziz more and here the slap khalid is
a very good boy and we became friendsI know that was so girlish and mean but nobody steal ma friends huh...

More me...

Lately I have been thinking alote about my life, my mistakes and me.
When I look behind, I realize that if I have done something wrong
I just keep redo it over and over again...!
Yes, I do... How many times I trust people who let me down eventually
How many times I fall into sins and I promise my self that I will not do this any more...well … is it just me ?
Am I addicted of doin' mistakes over and over again?
How long will I do this?
How many times I made lists of "I won't do… "Then I do
I feel like a criminal…
I owe myself better than this … I always tells myself that I am a real person and everything around me is fake and shitty!
Ummmmm … I don’t think I am that angel after all...
I guess it is true I really enjoy repeating the same silly things I do
I never learn... that's why everyone around me uses me again and aging...
Until then, when time comes …when I say ' enough ' to the weakness inside of me and confront myself...
And scream loudly " I don't wonna do this anymore"!
I only then, l won't … I will be more me.